10 Awesome Things About a Broken Refrigerator

Last week, our not-very-old refrigerator decided it had had enough, and decided to quit on us without any notice whatsoever. Just packed up its little Mary Poppins bag and stomped out the door in a huff. I know, so rude, right? For  a few days I whined and complained, but in light of the terrible weather now going on all over the East coast, I feel pretty stupid now. We have heat. We have power.  A broken refrigerator isn’t so bad after all! Chin up! Here are some positives:

1. The oodles of recipes I can make using only eggs, milk, and bread out of the cooler. Yummy!  Want to come over? It’s French toast night (again).
2. Throwing out an entire refrigerator-full of food is so freeing! Besides, food is overrated. After all, they lived without it just fine during the… um, oh never mind.  I forgot they all died and ate each other.
3. Kids no longer stand in front of the open refrigerator door, staring plaintively for minutes at a time. Ya know, because it’s empty.
4. A kid’s dream:  Absolutely no fresh vegetables whatsoever!
5. Total fridge clean-out means no more mysterious bowls of “didn’t that used-to-be soup?” lurking in the back.
6. Recent steady diet of canned food, processed food, and take-out will possibly make my kids appreciate my  cooking more.  Plus, it makes them lethargic and slow, so I can catch them more easily.
7. I have all of this extra money just lying around, and even with Christmas coming I would rather buy a new refrigerator even though this one is only seven years old. The appliance people need the money more than we do, after all. I am a giver.
8. The opportunity to offer a guest a nice cold beverage from the beat-up Igloo cooler in my kitchen, in the middle of the day on a Monday. Because that’s not redneck at all.
9. The eight hour window of time I have to stay home to wait for the refrigerator guys to show up offers much opportunity for “contemplation and reflection”. Oh, oops, that’s actually “simmering anger and frustration”.  My mistake.
10.  Step one in my diabolical plan to begin living like the Amish is now complete. Next on the list: replacing flashy buttons and zippers on children’s clothing with tiny hooks.

See how good at this I am? Next week you may find me in the backyard with a washboard, a bucket of soap, and a rock.  I could totally do the pioneer thing. Wait, pioneers had wine, right?